I regularly run a route that passes by a stable with a big fence stating “DO NOT FEED HORSES” spray-painted in big, bold letters across it. This wouldn’t normally stick out to me as I run mostly throughout the rural PA countryside with stables every couple of miles, but this one sits at the top of a horribly steep hill that is smack in the middle of the route. It kicks my ass every time. Oftentimes, I get to the top and see people from the campground next door trying to feed the indifferent horses who seem to be used to the tourists peddling their unappealing fare. Whether the horses eat it or not, people are always there breaking the obvious rule and sticking their arms in with the hopes of getting to hand feed a horse.
Recently, a second and much smaller sign has gone up reading “CAUTION: HORSES WILL BITE!”. It makes me laugh every time. There is only one reason that sign suddenly appeared.
You know that some idiot, even after seeing the GIANT bold letters, stuck their arm through the gate with an apple and probably got bit by a horse. What else would they have expected? Horses can be assholes. Giant, one thousand pound assholes. Just because you got to pet a horse 10 years ago at the local petting zoo does not mean it is OK to go to some random farm while you are on vacation and try to pet one through the fence. These people can see what the signs say, and yet still rebel against it only to be met with pain.
This is also a pretty regular occurrence for any of us who are trying to better ourselves. The horses, or nay(neigh)sayers if you will, are everywhere. As you start to adopt new habits and people begin to find out about them, you will find that many are rooting for you while others - sometimes more often than not - will try to tear you down or say something hurtful about your endeavor. Those “neighsayers” can be people that are close to you. People you trust. People you look up to and respect. Just like putting your hand through the fence posts with a tasty treat, you take a chance by telling them about your newfound passion with excitement and a bit of trepidation, only for them to return with disapproval and negativity, almost taking your fingers off in the process.
So far this year, I have run in what the news called “blizzard” conditions, 30+ mph winds, on icy roads, in the middle of the night on a route with no sidewalks, and even every day I was sick with what we think was RSV. Was running when I felt like garbage “stupid”? Was trying to get my mile run in while buckets of snow fell from the sky and giant snow plows went up and down my road “crazy”?
Sure, for anyone who is not me.
Those blizzard conditions came in January - within 30 days of me starting this challenge I had set for myself. The sickness that plagued my household came just after completing my first month of continuous improvement. I wasn’t going to let anything stop me that early. I was damn near close to quitting, but me slowing down would have had nothing to do with those “act of God” forces trying their best to stop me. My slow downs from self doubt were coming at the hands of people I knew and looked to for encouragement.
It hit me by surprise. I was so excited to start telling people what I was doing after completing my first month, and thought people would love my idea which would help push me forward. Being proud of myself was an understatement. I had a plan, was sticking to it, and was looking for someone to share my accomplishments with, only to be met with comments like “You are bordering on the edge of crazy”, “You are going to kill yourself”, or “That sounds like way too much for you”.
Not everyone was discouraging, but the volume of any negative comments I received were far louder than any positive comments I heard. Those comments stuck with me, because you remember when you get bit. They continue to float through my head even now, nagging at me, as I go about finishing my daily habits and try to be better. I learned pretty quickly who to speak with about my goals, and who to keep far and away from what I was doing. I was now paying attention to the giant spray painted sign. When one of the horses would ask how it’s going, my response became “Great!” with little to no detail.
The reasoning behind any negativity is their own, but I have found that it usually comes down to one of a few things:
Projection of Their Own Insecurities: People who are struggling with their own habits or self-discipline may project their insecurities onto you. Seeing you take positive steps to improve yourself may highlight their own shortcomings, leading them to respond with negativity or criticism.
Lack of Understanding: Not everyone understands the importance of personal growth or the challenges involved in forming new habits. They underestimate the effort required to change behavior and may not recognize the significance of your efforts.
Concern for Your Well-Being: People may express negativity out of genuine concern for you. They may worry that you're setting yourself up for failure or that you're taking on too much too soon. While their intentions may be good, their delivery may come across as discouraging.
Fear of Change: Many people are uncomfortable with change and they feel threatened by the idea of you growing and evolving. They may express negativity as a way to resist or discourage your efforts to break out of old patterns.
People may mean to hurt you or stop you from achieving your goals, but they may just be someone who is not very good at expressing how they feel and didn’t know their words negatively affected you. Regardless of the reasons behind other people’s negativity, it's important to stay focused on your own goals and to surround yourself with supportive people who won’t bite your hand when you feed them. You want people who encourage your growth and development. Remember, you're ultimately responsible for your own happiness and success, and you don't want to feed those whose opinions and negative comments will derail your progress.
DO. NOT. FEED. HORSES.